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May. 14th, 2005 @ 10:54 pm
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as i sit here, i'm loving every moment we have spent together over time. each and every tear shed has made each moment spent smiling seem like so much more. when i think back, it's like watching an old black and white movie play over and over, rewinding the good scenes and watching them again. its hard to express any of this to you, because i dont know how. being with you makes me feel like i'm living, and every moment spent away is just me waiting to live again. i feel so complete here, as i'm writing this for you. something that you'll never read, something that you'll never understand. you mean more to me then the sun means to a rose, or the sun means to the sky. simply, i wish for nothing more then you'r happiness. if i never see you again, and if i never feel your skin against mine as we sit, just tell me you're happy and i'll smile forever.
yours forever and everCurrent Mood:  restless |
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Your dating personality profile:
Liberal - Politics matters to you, and you aren't afraid to share your left-leaning views. You would never be caught voting for a conservative candidate.
Big-Hearted - You are a kind and caring person. Your warmth is inviting, and your heart is a wellspring of love.
Athletic - Physical fitness is one of your priorities. You find the time to work athletic pursuits into your schedule. You enjoy being active. | Your date match profile:
Athletic - You aren't looking for a couch potato. You seek someone who is active and who keeps his body in top shape.
Big-Hearted - You want someone compassionate, someone gentle and kind. A loving, nurturing person will fill that hole in your life.
Conservative - Forget liberals, you need a conservative match. Political discussions interest you, and a conservative will offer the viewpoint you need. | Your Top Ten Traits
1. Liberal
2. Big-Hearted
3. Athletic
4. Sensual
5. Adventurous
6. Romantic
7. Religious
8. Outgoing
9. Wealthy/Ambitious
10. Funny
| Your Top Ten Match Traits
1. Athletic
2. Big-Hearted
3. Conservative
4. Religious
5. Funny
6. Adventurous
7. Traditional
8. Practical
9. Romantic
10. Intellectual
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Take the Online Dating Profile Quiz at Dating Diversions
alright, so i guess that's sorta right. some aspects aren't quite what the quiz said at all, but its just a quiz right? lolCurrent Mood:  cheerful |
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Her life’s like one big rainbow, casted out over sea
Her friends are all so caring, as terrific as can be
Miss Perfect’s on the top again, looking down at us
She lives a piece of heaven, without the guilt of lust
And all the times I’ve looked, I’ve never thought of her
As being one so lonely, her life is such a blurr
And all those times I know now, I know I should have seen
That Miss Perfect’s not so perfect, she’s just like you or meCurrent Mood: depressed |
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its a beautiful thing, when two unsuspecting people see each other from across a room, and their eyes meet instantaneously. its such a pure act, but one so powerful its leaves you winded and struck.Current Mood: hopeful |
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I hope someday the things you said
Wont leave me when you do
And all the times, we laughed and cried
You’ll remember me and you
Moments shared, and lessons learned
Nights we spent awake
Seasons change and flowers bloom
Emotions put at stake
The days we shared meant more to me
Than life and all its jewels
The times we spent in love and bliss
Left me breaking all the rules
I was blessed with you, my gift
To me god did send
You were my wish, dream, and hope
But most of all my friendCurrent Mood: jubilant |
| » (No Subject) |
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i'm in love with the way you look tonight, the way the wind blows your hair and the light illuminates your eyes.
Mar. 28th, 2005 @ 11:29 am
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| » enlightened |
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so i've started reading the book tuesday's with morrie, and its really got me thinking. (well more then i have lately) which is quite a bit.
no matter how hard my life seems
it can always get worse
despite all the struggles, ripped seams
never get blown off course
ask god, to strengthen these shoulders
never lightening the load
move swiftly around life's boulders
embrace life, watch unfold
today life treated me unfair, today is my day to complain to the world. "acknowledge me" but today someone else faced something twice as terrible, yet has no one to complain to. the problem arises, ask yourself. "am i happy being the person i am right now, have i done anything for anyone else" "am i ready to die?" never complain about how terrible your life is, someone always has it worse. life is the greatest gift of all, cherish it always.
Mar. 13th, 2005 @ 06:11 pm
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| » I stole this out of mitch's journal :) |
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Name as it appears on birth certificate: Meagan Jean Walsh
Nicknames: meg, spaz, meagan bear, megy, meggie weggie preppy weppie, beddles, and bear...
Piercing: two on each ear
What is the most recent movie you've seen in the
theater? uhh, i saw the grudge
Eye color: brown
Place of birth: IL
Favorite Food: Cheese Pizza
Ever been to Africa? No
Ever been toilet papering: uhhh, yeah, but it was indoors... great times
Love someone so much it makes you cry? yes
Been in a car accident? nope :)
Anchovies? i'm a vegetarian bitches
Favorite day of the week? Friday!
Favorite Restaurants? uhhhh, i dont know, i dont like eating out all that much. but if i had to pick... probably somewhere really relaxed like chesdans or something
Favorite sports to watch? basketball, or kickboxing
Favorite drink? diet coke
Favorite Ice Cream? oh god, im an ice cream fanatic... cookies n' cream probably
Favorite movie? ever after
Favorite Fast food restaurant? McDonalds
What color is your bedroom carpet? pink, and my walls are completely black, and i have a light blue ceiling w/ white puffy clouds.. its a work of art really
How many times did you fail your driver's test: haven't taken it yet
Which store would you choose to max out your credit card: I dont know, all the stores i liked suck now
What do you do most often when you are bored? depends on how bored... usually just workout or something
Bedtime? HA, i usually go to bed around midnight though
Favorite TV Shows? that 70's show
Last person you went out to dinner with? my parents and youngest sister, the middle one was at a party
Favorite make of Car? i dont care, i'd just be happy to have one
What are you listening to right now? someone playing the piano
What is your favorite Color? dark red
Lake, Ocean, or River? ocean, its so pretty
How many tattoos do you have? none yet
Pet Peeve? ah, that damn banana chewing sound when its like... ah, just close ur damn mouth
Mar. 3rd, 2005 @ 11:08 am
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| » xanga |
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hey guys, i just finished making a xanga! ppplease go check it out, its worth it!
http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=xxDaytimexDramaxx
hannah is soooo awesome for making the entire thing for me! <3 <3
Feb. 22nd, 2005 @ 07:53 pm
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| » a moment of silence |
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The four of us sit silent in a circle waiting for the phone to ring. No one looks into the eyes of the others, just straight down at their feet. We all blame one another, but none of us have the guts to confess. We're all thinking the same thing, "you broke him."
It's hard to imagine what a child sees when they hear the word "death."
But i dont want to leave yet, i dont think i'm ready to go. Somehow, all the other problems i had 5 mins ago don't seem so important. It's hard when you have no one to talk to, you end up tying a stupid journal entry no one understands anyways.
it's funny how a single moment of silence can ruin everything you once thought about... anything.
Feb. 20th, 2005 @ 06:33 pm
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| » loved |
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i had the BEST sweet 16! first of all, my friends are the best! mike, kel, george, pat, sean, ryan, phil, hannah, niciole, john, cuello, and howes are soo awesome! you guys got me really good. i looove you all soo much! thanks again!
Feb. 13th, 2005 @ 03:10 pm
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| » The Price of Happiness |
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If I could climb the highest mountain
Reach the farthest star
If I could run and not look back
I know I'd make it far
I'd watch the world from high and low
Tracing rivers blue
Tuck them in as they drift asleep
As I cradle you
I'd walk the fields of glory and loss
Battle winds and rain
I'd talk with those who won't talk back
And listen to their pain
I'd feel the joy of ignorance
Where bliss is left untouched
I'd kiss the sun a thousand times
Living on my crutch
If I could leave you here and now
I know I'd try my best
But somehow no matter how far I go
I've saved the best for last
Jan. 28th, 2005 @ 10:41 pm
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| » Forget |
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Best friends, close and true
But as time moves on, so do you
So you left me here, and went away
But I still linger, wait and stay
Love was all, we really had
For moments shared, I'm still glad
...
This girl has grown up, and moved on her own
And what for yourself, have you begun to show?
A beautiful story, gone completely wrong
A broken heart, this is your song
...
As I grew up, I understood
That life goes on, as I will too
We had our life, we didn't last
Set a new, love out to cast
three...
two...
one...
Sorry, I'll miss you
Jan. 19th, 2005 @ 07:39 pm
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| » Desire |
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"Damnit- answer the phone!"
I found it hard to drive while tears were rolling down my cheeks like my own personal waterfalls.
"Don't play this game with me, not right now."
This isn't the first time you've scared me, but honestly, I didn't think that this would happen again. I can feel everything inside of me beating all at once, everything feels both hot and cold at the same time. I'm so afraid as to what I might find you like. Headlights Coming closer to me, then racing past in the opposite direction. God if I'm late, I wont ever forgive myself.
"hey, you've got my attention but im not here, Leave one."
--"God, pick up. Please pick up."
I dont think you ever really realized how much you mean to me. I guess im afraid of showing, or telling you. Like, I'm afraid that once I admit I need someone, or something, it will disappear. Abandon me. But it's too late for me to go back, im so sorry I didn't tell you how much I love you. Could that have changed your mind? perhaps, but maybe somethings are too far gone for saving.
"I hope you're okay"
"god, please let you be okay"
The same familiar street signs signal to me that i'm getting closer. I jump out of my car and run up to your door, still drowning in tears. "god, I should have told you, i'm in love with you."
The front door was locked, so i ran around back and let myself in the door.
"Where are you!?"
I ran up the stairs, and into your room. But I was too late. You were gone.
The only thing left, a note:
"to my everything, i can offer you nothing. i wish you had felt the same, as i had for you."
-- i love you too
Dec. 6th, 2004 @ 11:53 am
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| » Frost |
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It'd been a long night and I couldn't help but count the seconds pass by as I sat there waiting for something to happen. The same routine, night in and day out. Stroke of midnight approaches, and i'm left with a sensation that runs from my neck to my back. Just then hearing a tap on my window, I looked out just under the willow tree you always said was your favorite. You beckoned to me, to join you for one last adventure. You and I left that night, half-heartedly with the intentions of never returning. We ran through the open fields barefoot, disregarding the soft layer of snow newly settled on the ground. We swam in the half frozen streams and we slept under the ice glazed sky. Untouched, and unnoticed. Then you looked into my eyes, and spoke with words of no regret. "I'm going to have to leave you now." I shouted after you, "Let me come with you." You only replied, "good-bye my everything." Then without another look back, you were on your way till you vanished right into the night itself. The next morning I woke to find myself in bed, startled by the voice of the radio. "Boy dies in tragic car crash, died instantly, estimated time of death 11:30. Ice on the streets to blame." Then I fell out of bed, and tried to regain the feeling in my frost-bitten feet.
Dec. 3rd, 2004 @ 10:42 am
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| » Enlightenment |
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As I entered the room and walked over to where you were I could feel everything inside of me stop at once. Between the look across your face, and the silence in your disposition I could tell you were gone. Then I looked around the room, and saw happiness, and I was angry with the world. This is not a time to rejoice, this a time of anger and depression. I saw everyone talking and laughing, some in tears but only temporarily. "Won't you shed even one tear?" I wanted them to be just as angry as I was, just as upset and bitter. But then as I looked back upon you, I realized what I had overlooked. For once in my life, this was a time to celebrate the past. For the past is usually something to leave behind, and move on to the next day. Yet, this was the exception. Today was a celebration of life, of your life and for me, their past.
RIP we'll miss you
Nov. 17th, 2004 @ 06:30 pm
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| » I bet you think this song is about you, don't you.. |
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hey everyone,
i was reading maggie's livejournal and she has this really cool thing in there where you're supposed to pick 10 people off of your buddy list and write something like a message or just a post to them, the catch is you can't put their name. sooo i'll go for it. i wont tell you who's who, but you are more then welcome to guess and leave ur comments! or just do it yourself!
1) You are so wonderful, and i love you more then you'll ever know. we've been friends for a really long time, and i can't wait to grow old with you, sneaking off to the dunes. ;) Almost all the stories that i tell, that mean something to me, start with ____ and i once... i'm never going to forget you, or anything that you've been there to help me with. friends forever!
2) I'm not sure i understand you anymore, you used to be so full of life, and now you're just...dead. I don't know what happened to you, but it's like you geave up on something, on yourself. please don't let go of what you hold dear. i know things will get better for you, you just need to have faith. I wouldn't care so much, if i didn't hold you so close to my heart.
3) damnit, you're so awesome. i love the way you're so full of happiness and love, for everyone. you're one of the funniest kids i've ever meet, and i think of you like a little sister. i love watching you grow up, and make so many mature decisions, dealing with things that i dont always even deal with. i feel like i can tell you anything, and everything, without being judged, and that's probably one of the greatest gifts that anyone has ever given me. acceptance.
4) wow, what happened? i dont know how it started, but i do know that it's just not like it used to be. i would really like to start up again, but im afraid that you're not the same anymore. i dont know, it's nothing bad, i guess i just don't picture you as being the same person anymore.
5) i would love it if you knew how much i loved growing up with you as my buddy. you're so easy to get along with, and so easy to hang out with. i dont know how i would have gotten through one particular incident without you, you said the smallest thing, but it made so much difference. lately you've been kinda down though, and u wont tell me that it bothers you, i just know. i hope you can move on, you deserve so much better, and i know you will be alright in time.
6) I dont know if you don't like me anymore, or if that's just how you are now-a-days. it seems like just yesterday we were really really close, but now im not so sure. I still think of you as the person that i know you are, sweet, caring, and trusting. Our friendship was on the brinks for a while over something stupid, and a big misunderstanding, and i'm glad it's getting better.
7) You're so great, no one is quite as nice to me as you are. im so glad that we met and became friends, it' just took us a while. lol i know you're going to be successful in what you want to be, just don't give up on your dreams, you're such an awesome guy.
8) I think things have been hard for you, and i know im not exactly there anymore to help you out, but i suppose i still have my reasons. i hope things get better for you, and if you let go, and move on, i know they will. whether you choose to accept it or not, i know exactly what you're going through, and whether you chose to accept it or not, it'll happen to the next one just like it happened to you.
9) Think i'd forgotten you? haha... wow, im so glad we met. funny first impression though. i've never met someone that i knew for such a short amount of time, but yet, so close to. i know we're going to be friends forever.
10) I feel like i've lost you, we don't talk anymore, and you don't even recgonize my fear for you safety.
Oct. 28th, 2004 @ 11:05 am
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| » this life |
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it's kinda like having your heart torn open
him with her, and you without
lost for words, the price to pay
leaves you waiting for another way
memories of days better left unsaid
so many lingering thoughts left for dead
no more holding hands under the moon
thinking for hours about what she put you through
i dont understand these feelings im dealt
i wonder if this is anything like the way she felt
stroke of midnight, and you're still alone
sitting for hours, deafened by the silence of the phone
so keep your secrets tucked away
save your love for another day
Oct. 27th, 2004 @ 09:25 pm
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| » Let me love you |
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It has been a thousand nights, and i can still recollect the moment in which life itself took its course in my life. Where everything ended, and the same second, started. You held me that night under the stars, and whispered to me. "let me take you on a long adventure, far away from anything you've ever known before. Let me love you, more then anyone else can ever know." I took your hand, and we started on our way. Though years have taken its tole on our minds, and left its mark on our bodies, I can still say that my love for you has remained untouched. I still look at you with the same admiration that I did, when I was still young, and still naive. I can still remember those nights, the long and bitter starlit skies. Where we lied in the fields, and confessed our undying love, and passion for all that still holds a undefined meaning to us. Where we professed our love. And though ignorance through the factor of youth had played a part in the explanation to many, we still continued to ignore, and to live. Always the moments, always the time, always the love.
Oct. 7th, 2004 @ 09:39 am
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| » Beauty is not caused. It is. -- Emily Dickinson |
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It never really ever occurred to me how often unexpected things happened to un-expecting people. One day, not different from any other, you’re just walking through life when everything changes. I have always been told that when life closes a door, it opens a window. It’s hard to believe that sometimes, especially when you’re truly dealt a bad hand. But experience has taught me that even when you truly feel like giving up, you learn to get around it one way or another. It’s not always alone though; sometimes the most unexpected people, are the ones who touch us the most.
Kelli and I haven’t ever exactly gotten along to say the least. She’s always been one of those people who knew exactly what they wanted in life, and always seemed to know exactly how to get it. Me on the other hand; I know exactly what I want, and try as hard as I can to make it seem like I know how to accomplish it. I knew I wanted everyone to think of me as a complete person, ready to take on the world. Rather then just another girl, who doesn’t always know how to fix her own problems, or handle life. As if she was waiting for someone to finally say, “go.” As far as I knew, the only things I had going for me were looks. I wasn’t the smartest girl, or the funniest. I couldn’t solve other people’s problems, and I didn’t know the difference between a half-note and a sixteenth note.
Realistically, even I knew I wasn’t even the prettiest girl. But I did know, that if I had the right make up, cloths, and confidence level, people wouldn’t know the difference. Suddenly one day though, none of it mattered anymore though. I had lost everything that I considered anything. I had been sitting by the fire pit right after putting mosquito repellant on. Then suddenly the wind caught a fragment of paper, or cardboard, and I had caught on fire. Both of my legs were severely burned, and my hair cut didn’t look so even anymore. It wasn’t as painful as you would think though. At first, it was more a numbing sensation. Then the doctors started peeling the dead skin, and I can’t even compare the pain to anything I have ever felt in my life. Everything that I had going for me, my perfect image, was gone. I was no longer a strong, beautiful girl flowing with ambitions. I was scarred, and imperfect.
Never, in my life had the word “alone” held so much meaning. I was locked in my house until my skin graph could be complete, and I started to heal. Honestly, I didn’t expect many people to visit me, but I did expect a few. Then on my second day, after the news had spread across the school, my doorbell rang. I couldn’t get up, so I waited for my mom to answer the door. “Why hello Kelli, she’s in the back room,” I heard my mom say. I didn’t understand, why her of all the people? She had lived a few houses down, and we were friends until we grew up, and then finally apart. I could hear her footsteps coming closer to where I was held captive within my own home. When she turned the corner, she looked at me and smiled. “Hello Nicole, or did the world finally catch onto Nikki? Your own personal touch to the name your parents “cursed” you with as you used to say.” I laughed a little, “No, it’s still Nicole, I suppose the world wasn’t ready for my revolutionary nickname.”
Naturally, we both laughed a little. It was strange how two people who hadn’t talked in so long, could pick up where they left off so easily. We began talking about different things, past relationships, broken hearts, undone homework, and how long it had been since the lunch lady has had the same haircut. Then, I couldn’t help myself. “Kelli, why are you here, and why now?” She stared at me for a moment or two, as if she was reading my thoughts right through my eyes. Scanning me, looking for fears, sadness, and the undying passion I used to have for life. Then she spoke with the softest words I have ever heard. “I don’t know that I really ever left Nicole. I was always here, but I needed to tell you something. When we were kids, you were always an inextinguishable flame, and I wanted to come back, and remind you of that. Now, that I’m looking at you, I can honestly say that I have never seen anyone quite as beautiful as you.”
Somehow, she had seen past all of my scars, past my fear of letting the world in, and past the sadness that this entire incident had placed upon me. Never had anyone done that for me. For the first time in my life, I felt as I had always wanted the world to think of me. That I was a real person, and different from everyone else. I realized that I didn’t have to be anything I wasn’t, and that I had always been beautiful. Beauty isn’t something that you can buy, or something that you can create. It’s what lies within.
Sep. 11th, 2004 @ 04:15 pm
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myownplague212's journal